Your mom has started online dating. She’s going out on four or five dates a week, splitting her time among three men. She wants to tell you more about it than you want to hear. For each man, describe in her words the details that make you uncomfortable.
My mom became a widow at 47 and as far as I know, never dated anyone after my dad died. There’s a variance in stories on the reasons: One of my sisters claimed it was because one of my other sisters pitched a fit about my mom dating (unlikely). I tend to think that my mom’s explanation when I was older and in college, rang a bit more into the truth–she liked being independent, doing things like reading in the middle of the night and having salad for dinner without worrying about what someone else thought. My parents were married for over 27 years, and I do think my dad was her true soulmate.
Looking back at my teen years, I wish she had dated occasionally, since I think she could have used some “me” time. After my dad died, she was pretty much consumed with raising me and working a full time job as a cook. One of the fondest memories of her comes from a vacation we took to New England in my early teens. We were on a carriage ride and my mom ended up sitting in the front with the driver, who was an older French Canadian gentlemen. The two of them flirted the entire ride, alternating in my mom’s high school level French and his accented English. She seemed really happy and talked about the ride for years afterwards.
My mom was very open minded about people in general, but had a very low tolerance for conservatives, hypocrites and vacuous individuals. Her celebrity crushes tended towards men who were generally known as “bad boys”. I actually have to think a bit to figure out some pushing the envelope conversations she would have had with me on men. I think I would have been more disturbed about her dating beyond her convictions than any honest discussion about her sex life. But I’ll take a stab at it…So here’s the Dating Game for my mom
Bachelor number one:
“So remember back in 1972, when I voted for Nixon and I said I would never make that mistake again? Well I met the most wonderful guy who works for the National Republican Committee and he’s such a nice person, that he’s persuaded me to join the Grand Ol’ Party. He also would like to talk to you about this plan you have to go to graduate school, because we both think it would be better if you married and started that family! I’m not getting any younger you know and your sisters are beyond the child bearing years…”
Bachelor number two:
“I’ve met this really wonderful musician who plays country music for a living. He’s a bit of itinerant musician and he does drink a bit, but he has a heart of gold. Did I mention he’s 20 years younger than me? Well you know, age doesn’t matter when you’re attracted to someone. He tells me my cooking in the kitchen helps him cook in the bedroom if you know what I mean (wink wink)”
Bachelor number three:
“I’m dating this great guy, very good looking older gentlemen! Big blond Nordic type but unfortunately, he’s a bit of an airhead—doesn’t know Shakespeare from a box of Shake and Bake! He collects back scratchers and hasn’t read a book in years, but who needs stimulating conversation when you have a great body like his (wink wink)”
And thus ends my imagined conversations with my mom about her Tinder adventures.